you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
