the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
