Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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