i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
