we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
