I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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