Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
