the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
