He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
