i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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