Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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