Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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