How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
