remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
COCAINE IS GR8
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
