she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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