You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
