The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
