i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
