can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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