And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
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your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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