Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
