Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
