some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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