some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
