You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
