He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
