I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
