i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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