the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
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I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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