I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
