hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
