If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
