i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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