Porn is love you can see.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
