PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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