Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
