ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
smell my finger.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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