Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
