It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
