so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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