haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
