I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Alive.
So much puke
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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