she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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