she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
