What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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