He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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