we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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