If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
