dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
