I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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