How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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