Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
