I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
