one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
