Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
