I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
