So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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