dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
