how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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