After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
