She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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