capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
