i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I could make wine with my vomit
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
