I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
