I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
