This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
