i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
