How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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