I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
