final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
