I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
