We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
