Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
