I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I was not drunk enough for that final.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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