i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
