I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
